Backpacking Again!

This past weekend we joined friends from Osprey and their spouses on a 16 mile loop trek through Fish and Owl canyons in SE Utah. One year ago this would have run of the mill - hardly extraordinary. My memory of Owl canyon was that it is, as canyons go, relatively simple to descend. In fact, a few years ago, Mar and I did a day hike down to Neville's Arch and back - 9 miles of relatively straightforward canyon trekking.

Hardly the case this time. First we did everything we could to maximize the ease of the trip. Marilyn carried a small pack with less than 18 lbs. in it, while I carried the rest of our combined gear. The descent into Owl involves some steep slickrock, rockhopping, and steep and loose sandy hillsides. It soon became apparent to both of us how different this all has become. Every step for Marilyn requires careful and deliberate placement. Progress was slow and arduous. We carried her pack for part of the descent to make things easier. In the end, that first day was right on the edge of what her current abilities are. We had only made it in about 3.5 miles over the course of 6 hours and we seriously considered not continuing the trip with the group.

However, Marilyn was fairly adament in her desire to keep going. The second day was relatively straightforward, hiking on a sandy trail and in rocky and sandy washes. The last day involved a steep climb up slickrock, sand and rocks, culminating in a 15 foot crack climb out of Fish canyon. All handled superbly and without the frustration and slowness of the first day. So - things keep improving and I think we can both say that we are grateful.

Pikes Peak Challenge

13 miles, 7400' elevation gain, 9 hours. 11 months post injury.

Thanks to all who donated. We raised $2,560 for the Colorado Brain Injury Association!!

Determination

the quality of being resolute; firmness of purpose.

On Labor Day we hiked about 10.5 miles total on a local trail. About halfway into the hike I noticed that besides the hiking pole in her right hand, Marilyn was carrying a large tree branch in her left hand. I asked her whether we should have brought two hiking poles. She replied that she wasn't trying to use the branch as a hiking pole but rather as a way to help her strengthen her grip and control the general spasticity of her left arm. Later in the hike, we had a tricky stream crossing. Marilyn slipped and banged her shin hard on a rock. With wet feet and a bruised shin she asked if we could hike one mile further in. (This after 5 miles of hiking). We eventually finished the hike and drove back home at which time she decided it would be a good time to try riding her cruiser bike again. With helmet on she pedaled up and down the street - no problem. Determination.

A False Summit

Gareth and I, in Denver this weekend, were able to actually reach the summit of the 14er Mt. Sherman. It was challenging but for me a huge huge physical accomplishment - Pike's Peak down the road -more blog later - I realized my experience with the bike accident is similar to false summits - you think your getting to the peak - as I did think literally and figuratively before this accident - I was nearing the top of my life game - only to find after a random bike accident, there was more and more uphill to go - and that is when, at the false summit, you have to make the conscious decision to go for it up or go down without tagging the summit - I am going through this to get to my summit -figuratively - as I did yesterday, literally. I'll write about the Craig Hospital visits later... Marimule.

Interesting that we celebrate "Independence Day" and this year my lack of Independence is so overwhelmingly difficult, and so prominent in my daily life that next year, I will treasure being independent on 4th of July, nothing to do with how the historical first Americans took land/life/homes from Indians to gain freedom from the Brits!

If you have 10 dollars you can donate to our team for the Pike Peak Challenge please do, more medical/public awareness of these injuries need to happen...nothing for my expenses but for my cause...

Pikes Peak Challenge

Prayer Flag

Connie George, Sponsorship and Climb Coordinator for the Breast Cancer Fund, donated a prayer flag honoring Marilyn's recovery. This flag was carried to the summit of Mt. Shasta by guide, Cathy Ann Taylor on June 18, 2008 as she led 33 breast cancer survivors and supporters on the Breast Cancer Fund's Climb Against the Odds mountain expedition. We are amazed and honored that in the midst of battling this public health crisis, our friends at the BCF took the time to think of us...

Please support their efforts:

http://www.breastcancerfund.org

A Life Prayer

It has been too long and anyone reading still - thank you. Well, as expected, my life keeps on swirling with new unanticipated events - 2 weeks ago a severe downside where negative things in my personality showed up - in a survivor mechanism disguise - I want to, but can't blame head injury on these things... thanks to some supportive friends, I am getting through this by ceasing the negative aspects... except poor Gareth is being overwhelmed by my depression that past monsters made the unwelcome return and were brought to my attention and, even though gone now, they stirred up concerns and increased my paranoia immensely - now it feels like anyone can be out to get me. The phrase "adding insult to injury" has taken on a new meaning - I managed injury by breaking my neck, C2 and C7, and occluded arteries that supply my brain with O2, and paralyzed my left side, I managed to cover the injury with one that is absolutely the worst experience - no awful life ending illness but a life sparing hell - a life of torture that doesn't seem to be ending - and recent events have added insult after insult to the injury - Compassion - it is challenging in this day and age - but giving compassion comes back to you. My apology and my favorite - yes high school, love poem from a book called Life prayers to my love

I will fight this and my life will be strong again.
Gareth:

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.

I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
for putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can't help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.

I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.

I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good,
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.

You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being my best friend means,
After all.

- R. Croft


Thank you my love...
M

Pikes Peak Challenge

Marilyn and I will be participating in the Pikes Peak Challenge Hike For Brain Injury Awareness on Saturday, September 6, 2008. We will be hiking Barr Trail on 14,110 foot Pikes Peak. When we finish, we will have hiked 13 miles and 7,400 vertical feet to the summit to join other hikers and supporters in celebration of brain injury awareness and prevention.

In the United States a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) occurs every 15 seconds. Based on national estimates, there are more annual incidences of Traumatic Brain Injuries than Multiple Sclerosis, Spinal Cord Injuries, HIV/AIDS and Breast Cancer put together. It is estimated that 17.8% of our American Soldiers are returning home with a TBI.

In this country there are 3 million persons living with breast cancer and public spending is $295 per person, 900,000 persons living with HIV/AIDS and public spending is $18,111 per person but there are 5.3 million persons living with disability from TBI and public spending is $2.55 per person! Research into treatment of TBI receives less than one penny of every Federal dollar spent on medical research.

If you would like to support our endeavors to make a difference, you can donate directly to us online at https://www.pikespeakchallenge.com/donation.asp?HikerID=24. This is a special event of the Brain Injury Association of Colorado and may print a tax deductible receipt for your donation. All proceeds go to the BAI of Colorado.

You can also join us on the hike by registering at https://www.pikespeakchallenge.com/register.asp

Our team name is fittingly 'MariMules'.

Living after you Die

Marilyn hasn't written on the blog in quite a long time. Not because she is recovered but she is so busy recovering. I don't write as often. Not because she is recovered but because I am so busy learning how to keep things going in our new life.

That gets exhausting. This week we are taking a break. And the first opportunity that break has allowed is the chance to mourn. Here is what Marilyn told me this morning.
"I realize more and more each day that the person I was is gone. So many people tell me you didn't die and look at how you are getting better. But the Marilyn before all this is gone. No matter what I do I can't get her back. And I miss her."

I miss her too. And that truth - stated by her - has lurked and crept around us in the shadows for the past seven months. Without her uttering those words, we would never cut through the "recovery stuff" - PT, OT, ST, psychotherapy, acupuncture, medications, MRI's, CT scans and face it.

That f**ing accident took so much from us that day - many plans, many dreams. And it ended a life. Sometimes you have to take a break from learning to accept the new and mourn the loss.

I Am

" I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become." - Carl Jung

Long Time, No Blog

I realized today that it has been almost a month since we last posted. There are many reasons for this, some good, some bad. No time wasted here on spinning either side of the coin - here is where April 22 finds us. Since our initial foray into the desert we've had two more canyon adventures. This past weekend we camped out again and hiked nearly five miles round trip. Marilyn's walking is becoming more and more solid - a week ago she even walked the entire "beanfield" (in mud and snow) above town. Her cognition and speech becomes clearer and more concise each and every day. I have no doubt that she will not only be able to work as a Nurse Practitioner again, she will be able to excel and increase her knowledge base with the passion she did before. Demonstrated by her success at whipping through online CME's (Continuing Medical Education). In the weeks since our first return to Craig hospital, which also coincided with her 37th birthday her progress has been solid and strong. Not coincidentally, she started acupuncture again and in my observations this has been one of Marilyn's most important and effective treatments throughout her recovery.

Last week we returned to Denver for an eye follow-up and some testing and follow-up with the neurologist who followed her from very early on in her injury. All positive news with her eyes slowly getting better, though double vision still plagues her and her neurological recovery continuing strongly. However, we've realized that these trips are very cathartic for us both. Not only do they mark progress, they lead us to confront the depth and gravity of what has happened. Marilyn's path to recovery, though always positive in prognosis, has been shrouded by clouds that only clear with time. Each visit has pushed the clouds back a bit more and we learn more about what to ultimately expect when all this is "over". It's far from all good.

Note the quotes - it's never over. And that is some heavy shit to assimilate. In aid of that, our personal spiritual quests and need to draw on pure faith has become an integral part of this process.

For both of us, another corner has been reached. The transition from patient to post-recovery. Returning to work, leaving therapy behind. Not being stamped as the girl who had the horrible accident. Me not being stamped as the partner of.... And to a degree, it is happening. I'm looking forward to the day when we strike up a conversation with someone who has no idea this happened. Sympathetic looks, while well intentioned sometimes only salt the wound. The inevitable double edged sword. Incredible community support means that few in the community don't know about this. And let's face it. This blog is the most public of forums. But if this can be a tool for people who might have to or are facing this type of situation, then it is worth it. If this can be a tool for others to better discover their inner paths, I'm glad. If all it did was keep Marilyn's family and friends appraised of her status, thus easing their concern and grief - success!

We're only halfway there. The next six months will be the hardest of all as she exits the support system of therapy and rehabilitation and we try and gain some semblance of our old lives back. The promise of either of our lives getting easier and not having to work as hard once we reached this point, has turned out to be an illusion. So it goes - the ramp steepens and we'll each run twice as fast to keep pace. I say "each" only to underline the fact that we each have very different jobs to do. At least we're doing it together!!

When it's all put into perspective, Marilyn is very, very fortunate (note that I didn't write "lucky") to be where she is today given the extent of her injuries. I'll take that today. But if I had the choice of fast forwarding six months or even better, rewinding six months - I'd take it in an instant.

Healing and Hanging in the Desert...

This Easter weekend we journeyed to the desert for our first camping trip since the accident. We packed up our gear and the dogs and headed out to the edge of Cedar Mesa in SE Utah. Our expectation - and our expectations are few these days - was to hang at camp and take some short strolls across easy slick rock or down a dirt road.

As it happens, a fellow desert rat gifted us with a rough map that depicted a hidden pictograph panel beneath the rim of the mesa. For those of you not familiar with the area, it was once inhabited by ancient peoples, 900-1200 years ago. Among other things, they left behind cliff dwellings, pottery shards and pictographs - drawings on the rock. Appropriately - this panel depicted birthing and Marilyn's hike and scramble to get there was just that - a rebirth of what she used to do and what we were so afraid that she had lost.

A link to that trip is here.
Click 'Start Slideshow' for the full effect with groovy music.

Longer desert treks and mountain peaks can't be far behind...

You can talk to Buddha and listen to his casual reply

If you know me, you know my living in Colorado is no random place, like where I happened to be born, but intentional because of its beauty and my love of the mountains. Gareth grew up here, but it has been his self-found love of these same things, with a greater intensity, that he possesses as a result. I have a level of respect for the mountains that is lost to him in his intensity of love for them (i.e. I couldn't climb or ski the peaks like he does). But I have claimed an intensity of love of the "products" (facial toners, moisturizers and cleansers that are too expensive for me to buy nowadays) which is greater than his, but then again, he is a boy! (Product girls, you know who you are and can relate, now imagine of you woke up with no product, no income and a super-great BOY telling you he will get whatever you need and your 1 oz. facial lotion is only available fifty miles away and costs fifty bucks... try justifying that over the local cheap"Dove" products... product girls, you know what I'm talking about! I hope you don't know but you can imagine the horror!)
So we had a long overdue camp trip to the Southeast Utah dessert over the weekend and it was much -needed by our psyches. We car- camped in the "Westy" and brought our doggies along. I slept great and I did walk with my love Gareth on a hiking trail that went down to the level below us so we could see petroglyphs and I can say for sure that I have not lost my love of hiking or of camping or of the outdoors! Being so immersed in such beauty helps a person forget the terrible things (like my physical challenges, though the trail reminded me) that may be going on around them. My mind finds these things so much more beautiful than I have ever thought and every camp trip I go on will be that much more appreciated as a result. Colorado is where I can be found, thankfully!

Ignorance is Bliss

Well I had a bummer of a day yesterday, which, given what I have been through, seems more like it should be the type of day I have regularly and not as rare as bummer days have been coming. Yesterday's bummer began with intense frustration I was having with the left side. Who knew a person could actually develop dislike and anger at their own leg and arm? I have had hundreds of patients dealing with limb pain and never had one tell me they were pissed off at the affected limb but yesterday saw me being the one who was literally upset at my left leg and arm for being so uncooperative and for not doing what I was asking my them to do. They are still misbehaving but the new day has brought me a reality check that my left leg and arm are part of me and they are slowly in the process of recovery.
My PT in Cortez had to deal with the temper tantrum that I threw at the left side yesterday and pointed out part of my frustration is actually my mental awareness taking hold and that there was a time when my left side was weaker and less coordinated but I didn't get so mad at it because my awareness was so limited that I didn't seem to care like I do now. "Ignorance is bliss" was how he described my mindset and the bliss was what got me through those tougher days at the hospital. Now I have to accept improvements do NOT happen daily like they used to. Recovery is slower and less rewarding now but fortunately the ignorance is gone and mental awareness is improving. I plan on spending some time sharpening my medical brain by hanging out at the clinic I used to work and earn a living at but now I will just be doing some CMEs (Continuing Medial Education unit) and helping when needed, like front office stuff. I think that just hanging out will lead to my ability to return to my job and I will not do that until I feel that I can do a safe and effective job because I refuse to put anyone's life/health at risk.

How is She Doing?

Reading through past posts, I realize that sometimes we don't do a good job of simply stating how Marilyn is doing. So here it is. We are five months out from her injury and by all accounts - medical and therapuetic - she is doing well. The main challenge in our first five weeks home was the lack of expert neurological monitoring. We had to go a bit on faith that she was improving. So on our return to Craig last week, it was great to hear both her nuero docs and the neuropsychologist reiterate that Marilyn was doing very well and would continue to do very well.

Her left side continues to strengthen and become less clumsy. As the snow melts out here in Dolores, we are hopeful that she can begin to walk around town without having to depend on someone to walk with her. She still has double vision and this remains the main obstacle to complete independence. Without her vision resolved, she cannot drive, steps and uneven ground are harder to negotiate and vision in dim light or darkness is very difficult.

To this end, we are continuing with prism glasses and aggressive therapy to resolve the eye issue. The other end of the equation is suppression - which will happen anyway, so we figure out why not try the new in the event that it works.

From the outside looking in, I see Marilyn becoming sharper every single day. That's the best way I can describe it. We're certainly not at a point where I forget she is injured, (although I really look forward to that day) but it is at least becoming more and more background. And that allows me to hand her more and more of her life back, which will be the subject of my next post....

"...Your Own Reason and Your Own Common Sense."

"Believe Nothing, No Matter Where You Have Read It Or Who Has Said It, Not Even If I Have Said It, Unless It Agrees With..." This is another refrigerator magnet quote, this one from Buddha which, given my new re-found reasons and new re-found common sense, has resulted in some new found beliefs. I got back from yet another trip to Denver for some follow up care. In all honesty, I was not looking forward to it in the slightest because I believed it was a just another big reminder of the fateful bike accident that brought me to Craig Hospital in Denver in the first place. But, like Buddha said, my own common sense was being being tested and the dreadful thoughts were of different outcome. It was actually comforting to see the therapists who cared for me when I was hospitalized. What took me by unpleasant surprise was the overwhelmingly obvious fact that Craig didn't close its doors when I was discharged but the hospital continues admitting new brain injured patients. The very horrifying reality that brain injuries do happen in such massive frequencies and quantities was what hit me hard. Knowing now from my personal experience that their lives will be indescribably changed forever after a TBI was what saddened me and brought me to tears.
My second common sense check was my 37th birthday, my first birthday (but not last) since the accident. I did have a wonderful time with Gareth, and ended the day with the belief that I dodged a deathday to get to celebrate a birthday. I do not consider myself lucky that I didn't die or end up in a wheelchair, that would make death and spinal cord injuries unlucky, and they are truths that we have in the world and if you think you are lucky because you didn't spend today in a wheelchair then you obviously have too much time on your hands. I am lucky that I can use my left arm to drink a beverage and that I am working on walking, and it is the presence of these actions, not the absence of an action, like death, that I am working hard every day to achieve. The bike accident and its results can't be changed, but my actions to improve myself can make the future brighter for me and Gareth so I will continue daily to push for that belief.

Life at Home

It is hard to believe that we are into our fourth week back in Dolores. The first week was challenging, with the glaring reality that life was going to be much different from how it was when we walked out the door last fall. Desire loomed large with sharp memories of our previous lives all around us. Since returning, we've both expressed the desire to go to sleep and then wake up in the morning with the day ahead only offering the challenge of our respective jobs as opposed to the overbearing focus on recovery. But, slowly we’ve adjusted with many thanks for so much help from our friends. And since our expectations of life upon return were low – scratch that – non-existent, each day often brings an unexpected treat. Soaking in a hot spring, walking around town amongst sky high piles of snow and ice, braving a visit to the pub, Marilyn dragged out of the rec center after four hours of workout, and even a handful of ski days for me are a few. Time and therapy are our allies and enemies now, patience our peacemaker. Faith brightens and brings the horizon closer.

"If you`re going through hell, keep going"

I hope everyone knows we made it home (to Dolores) about 2 weeks ago. I want everyone (including Gareth) to know that Gareth has been my inspiration to continue to put forth the efforts that are clearly required for me to resume my life as it once was and will be again someday, so I thank, love, and admire you Gareth. I continue to pray (to Buddha) our future will be an improvement over the present, which is a hell and a challenge on many fronts. We will keep going through this hell until we have made it through, Gareth, just you keep believing, because I see that we will be a stronger, more resilient couple when we have survived this....(blog title and reference is a Winston Churchill quote on a greeting card that I came across while going through the myriad of my belongings when I got home; it is now posted on our refrigerator and seems to fit the situation). My thanks to the Osprey Corp for my "Gareth time" -we both have learned his value, which Osprey has finally reclaimed now that we have made it home! Hoping my patients will get to claim me back soon too!

The single most challenging aspect of being home is that the last time I was here, I had nothing physically wrong with me. The reminders of my life as it was prior to the bike accident are just everywhere. The snow, however, is not a reminder and does not bring back any memories of life in Dolores (this is more snow than I have ever seen here, yeah skiers!) I am also struggling with my inability to do things in a timely fashion (but I am getting a bit quicker, though still a bit sloppy, not a new feature but one that has been magnified by the injury and is definitely a challenge for Gareth to keep up with!) The list of my little physical deficits could go on but I will spare everyone and not list them here.

However, being home has its positive sides: my own bed and belongings; the doggies; the wonderful friends who have given up their free time to drive me to Cortez to get to therapy; my physical, occupational, and speech therapists; no more "hospital" dinners and frequent "whenever needed" espressos! The sheer amount of occupational therapies we all do daily is amazing and forcing me to keep getting better at doing the littlest things. Keep praying that my left side and my vision strengthen and I will see you all as soon as I can (let's hope I only see one of you and not two, which is the double vision rearing its ugly head)...marilyn

To Begin Again

The title of a nice tune by an old friend. There is another old tune he covered called "A House is Not a Home". Such was the feeling on my two initial trips back to Dolores. The first, a week before Christmas, gave me the chance to reground myself at work. Each night I would come home to a house, so well taken care of by friends in our absence but still woefully vacant with remnants of our vacation departure scattered about. Marilyn's silent belongings, untouched and unmoved by her in so long pondered the fine line between a box in the attic and the hand of their owner.

The second trip followed Marilyn's discharge from inpatient and transition to outpatient at Craig. My parent's home allowed her a "soft launch" into the real world as she refined her healing with yet another team of superb therapists. This time the dogs came back and we roamed the house as a trio, unsettled and incomplete.

At last we are all here and the house is becoming a home again. Marilyn has "settled in" with a vengeance. On her first day home she tore apart bookshelves, delved deeply into her "very-hard-to-walk-in" closet, took a shower, made lunch, played with the dogs, threw on her Sorels and walked to the end of the block and finally went to bed at 11pm. All this from someone who by all TBI professional accounts should have been overwhelmed and exhausted by the return home.

There are many times that the weight of all that has happened and all that lies ahead threatens to crush me. More often than not that is when Marilyn rescues me. She tells me she is eager to see everyone again, she will dance again, she will see single vision again, her mind and wit will be sharp as a diamond again, she will return to her patients again, she will hike for miles again and stand atop a high peak smiling (after insisting that she could never make it) - again. I don't mind waiting.

Homeward Bound!

We will be in Dolores in just over 24 hours. Everyone who has worked with me at Craig Hospital has been telling me to be careful because being immersed in the home environment can be exhausting, but I am happy to go back home.

My P.T. gave me the go ahead to do some walking around town, so let's take walks to work on my walking endurance (no doggies yet cause they could pull or trip me). I will need a walking partner and I will be needing car rides to Cortez for my PT, OT and ST so that would be great! Trust me in saying that the last thing I want is to get in another accident so let's be careful! I am off to Dolores tomorrow morning so hopefully I will get to see the locals soon and I can't wait to see Gareth here in Denver tonight and the doggies tomorrow!

A note about my energy level. It abandons me right now with little notice so if I take a nap in the middle of you telling me something that is not your speech content it is my injury.

Bye!

OUTPATIENT POSITIVITY

I am writing after my first week as an outpatient. I will start off saying that there are improvements but it will be a long tough battle for me: re-learning to hold a cup (with my left hand); not dribbling when I drink; brushing my teeth or hair (with my left hand because I am left handed). Imagine if you lost all muscle use of a leg and someone tells you to stand. That is when you realize how much muscle you do use when you stand and it is gone and has to be re-worked so you can stand correctly! So every day these little occupational therapies happen spontaneously now (with no occupational therapist) and I must count the little things I improved and learned as success. You all do these things hundreds of times and do not give them a second thought (don't start thinking your tiny activities are such big successes now unless you are me ok?) Anyway, I am not in the hospital and I am getting better slowly. (Positive thought as encouraged by my shrink and easy to do because it is true!)

Craig Hospital discharge

Hello everyone!

I am staying with Gareth's parents in Golden, Colo since being discharged which is really cool of them since he will be home in Dolores during the week. I guess the info I got from my attending this week regarding how discharge can make the patients very tired held true for me as I was exhausted and tired (They refer to this change as a "reintegration into society" -uh oh, you all have been warned of my "reintegration").

As for the discharge: my therapists are all as dedicated as I could want and my eyes are being treated for the double vision with rotation (pray for that) and my lack of ability to produce the neurochemical Serotonin is being treated with low dose antidepressant which has ceased my inappropriate laughing (emotional lability) but can not put a stop to the appropriate laughing.

My medical knowledge of Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) has taken a leap since I have been considered a "severe" TBI -patient and now I am hoping that this experience will influence my future in medicine somewhat - look out patients because I am being influenced by this experience. See you soon Doloreans but keep in mind how tired I may be!

Brain Therapy

Looks like I will be discharged from inpatient tomorrow but will stay here for rehab for the next 2 1/2 weeks for the quality of rehab here at Craig. I am so happy though not to have to spend my days as an inpatient but I still have a great deal of recovering to do on the outside. I am looking forward to getting back to Dolores and recovering at my own pace.
Melissa, a college friend, just visited during the exams my therapists administered to evaluate my progress and to make recommendations for my future therapists, and thank God she was here to verify the difficulty of the speech therapy I am taking to keep my brain sharp. I am thankful to have that quality of brain sharpening and hope it can keep the brain continuing to rehabilitate as the left side of my body is.
Looks like I will comtinue the neuro-psych counseling at home too as the psych stuff grabs me and the frustration is difficult for me to figure out but essential to my getting through this difficult situation and an important part of my recovery. Thank God Melissa and Gareth confirm that my personality is still fully present since I feel the smartass in me is still fully present and as charming as ever!!

Collar Free

Marilyn has finally got rid of her C-collar! Accordingly, she passed it on to her dog.

2008

It has to improve as a year - over any year or experience ever in my
life - this is the worst possible thing for anyone to go through and I do not wish it on anyone ever - so I hope everyone will appreciate their existence this year and if anything comes out of my experience, I want that to be it. Happy 2008 everyone!

Pieces of Memory

"I wish I could take the memory that I have in my brain and put it in your brain and compare it to yours so I could see if they match."

- Marilyn trying to piece together events days before her accident.
New Years Eve 2007