Ignorance is Bliss

Well I had a bummer of a day yesterday, which, given what I have been through, seems more like it should be the type of day I have regularly and not as rare as bummer days have been coming. Yesterday's bummer began with intense frustration I was having with the left side. Who knew a person could actually develop dislike and anger at their own leg and arm? I have had hundreds of patients dealing with limb pain and never had one tell me they were pissed off at the affected limb but yesterday saw me being the one who was literally upset at my left leg and arm for being so uncooperative and for not doing what I was asking my them to do. They are still misbehaving but the new day has brought me a reality check that my left leg and arm are part of me and they are slowly in the process of recovery.
My PT in Cortez had to deal with the temper tantrum that I threw at the left side yesterday and pointed out part of my frustration is actually my mental awareness taking hold and that there was a time when my left side was weaker and less coordinated but I didn't get so mad at it because my awareness was so limited that I didn't seem to care like I do now. "Ignorance is bliss" was how he described my mindset and the bliss was what got me through those tougher days at the hospital. Now I have to accept improvements do NOT happen daily like they used to. Recovery is slower and less rewarding now but fortunately the ignorance is gone and mental awareness is improving. I plan on spending some time sharpening my medical brain by hanging out at the clinic I used to work and earn a living at but now I will just be doing some CMEs (Continuing Medial Education unit) and helping when needed, like front office stuff. I think that just hanging out will lead to my ability to return to my job and I will not do that until I feel that I can do a safe and effective job because I refuse to put anyone's life/health at risk.