Marilyn hasn't written on the blog in quite a long time. Not because she is recovered but she is so busy recovering. I don't write as often. Not because she is recovered but because I am so busy learning how to keep things going in our new life.
That gets exhausting. This week we are taking a break. And the first opportunity that break has allowed is the chance to mourn. Here is what Marilyn told me this morning.
"I realize more and more each day that the person I was is gone. So many people tell me you didn't die and look at how you are getting better. But the Marilyn before all this is gone. No matter what I do I can't get her back. And I miss her."
I miss her too. And that truth - stated by her - has lurked and crept around us in the shadows for the past seven months. Without her uttering those words, we would never cut through the "recovery stuff" - PT, OT, ST, psychotherapy, acupuncture, medications, MRI's, CT scans and face it.
That f**ing accident took so much from us that day - many plans, many dreams. And it ended a life. Sometimes you have to take a break from learning to accept the new and mourn the loss.
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2 comments:
I feel compelled to respond to your blog Gareth. Not sure what to say except I am so glad you are able to express yourself and your and Marilyn's truths so profoundly. And I am glad you got up that mountain yesterday. We all, no matter the circumstance need to make time to refill our cups. I am glad you both are taking that time.
today in yoga while everyone was relaxing in corpse pose i was reading (to myself) my book of quotes from yogi bhajan. it was in the section of "polarity". i do not have the book right here in front of me now but the basic concept of the quote said, "you can't ever know happiness unless you know sadness" so bless you both for recognizing the dark side of the experience you've had and with patience, in time may you experience the polar opposite, perhaps light, bliss, love and ecstacy.
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