Vision

Hello. My vision has been off since the accident, I am seeing double and my left eye also rotates one of the images. Seeing the eye doc who is placing the blame on my 3rd and 4th cranial nerve - and he will make me a left eyeglass prism that may help my extraocular muscle retrain to not rotate. I have also been somewhat self critical and my shrink told me that is quite common for brain injured patients to get self-critical so he advised me to "TEFLON-IZE" MYSELF - to get tougher during the challenging recovery. Those reading who know me well know what a self critic I am so this is a challenging time for me and my therapists are finding out the hard way! Take care and happy 2008! Marilyn

Wisdom

Merry Xmas! Just watched Bob Marley documentary -(thanks Sarah!) it was very good and I am inspired to read his biography again. Dealing with the moods that go with brain injury : cranky, frustrated; also trying to come up with a good plan for when I am discharged which is in 2 weeks.
"You give your more
To receive your less." Bob Marley




Marilyn

Impatient Inpatient Twilight

We are nearing the end of Marilyn's inpatient stay at Craig. The latest date we have heard pushes her discharge back a bit and is now January 8. There are dozens of goals for the next 2 weeks, with the obvious and biggest goal being to leave the wheelchair behind. Today Marilyn spent most of the day doing just that - walking to all her classes and therapy sessions. Our vision of her being back in Dolores soon is fading as we are beginning to realize that her outpatient therapy needs (at least in the short term) would be best served by doing them right here at Craig. So - we have much to figure out in the days and weeks to come. As always the doctors, therapists and staff here are extremely helpful and we feel whatever the decision reached, it will be a sound one.

Recommended Reading and Folding Clothes

I just finished 'Over My Head' by Dr. Claudia L. Osborn, recommended to me by Marilyn's friend, Melissa. (Easy to find on Amazon.com) It tells the story of a Physicians struggles following a traumatic brain injury resulting from a bike accident. While her recovery journey was much different than Marilyn's appears to be, this book does an extraordinary job of describing what is going on from the point of view of the brain injured person. The perspective on being a medical professional with TBI is especially poignant. Reading it was often excruciating for me in the midst of Marilyn's early recovery and because it describes so many challenges on the cognitive front - many of which Marilyn thankfully seems to be bypassing and many of which she has yet to confront. This book has helped me come to terms with the fact that this accident will net a changed, but not lesser Marilyn. (No more waiting for the "old" Marilyn to come back.) That change may be less evident externally as time goes by but that change will be very evident for her. To be clear - when I say change, I mean change as in all we experience in life produces change. Profound experiences or events produce profound change. So, I urge you to read this book (or about TBI in general), particularly those of you who will be around her when she returns to Dolores.

On another note - Marilyn insisted on and successfully folded her clothes Sunday night before I left for the week.

“The determination to win is the better part of winning.”~Daisaku Ikeda

Pictures from Ecuador

As many of you know, Marlyn has had no recollection of our short trip to Ecuador. In fact, she has had no recollection of ever planning the trip, let alone going there. The closest memory preceding her accident that we could trace was putting gear in our newly built shed two nights before we left.

Yesterday, I finally got around to showing Marilyn the few pictures we took in Ecuador. At first they were nothing but pictures to her. Then suddenly, a trigger. There was a picture of a vary modern glass building in a park we had visited above the city of Quito. She remembered the building and then, more memories came flooding back.
As we looked at the pictures from Vilcabamba, where she was hurt, she recalled the place we stayed there - even the layout of the hotel grounds.

Of course, this is scary and encouraging, all in one. I hope she never remembers the accident but I am glad that she is piecing more and more things together leading up to it.

Psychologically Challenged

I'm still here and living through the psychological challenges of having a brain injury: my left side not working and my brain being somewhat different in terms of its cognitive functioning lately. We have moved into a new room on the East side which gives us more freedom and responsibility and I am still working on relearning to walk and it is coming along still according to schedule. I did get upset earlier in the week because I was trying to fold my clean laundry and since my left side is so weak, I was not able to fold. That was really hard for me to get through and incredibly frustrating about this injury. We did have a team meeting and I was told these frustrations are part of recovery from my injury - my prognosis is that full recovery may be up to 2 years. we'll see. bye everyone!

Alison's Post

I thought Alison's comment from the last post was so good that I have copied it over as a new post.

Gareth

Hi Mar and everyone, I just talked with Mar tonight who sounds great!! Mar, your voice is really sounding like yourself again. It's so cool! Mar was busy packing to move to Craig's East Wing tomorrow, which will give her a lot more privacy and freedom, and has a kitchenette. And Mar's new discharge date is Jan 4--this is moved up, so obviously the doctors see how fast Mar is improving--very exciting!! Mar was writing with her left hand, slowly but legibly, and walking and tackling stairs, with a little assistance. She and Gareth visited Gareth's parents, and with Gareth's help, Mar left her wheelchair in the car. They also went to a Broncos game, complete with Vandy quarterback Jay Cutler. As it turns out, one of Mar's doctors works with the Broncos, and will see if Jay can come visit Mar.

There's still a journey before us, but as the Beatles say, "It's getting better all the time"

Love, Alison

Counting..

We've now reached 3 months since Marilyn's accident and are in week 5 at Craig hospital, with another 5 to go. Once we get back home there will be 3-4 months of outpatient therapy. We are both beginning to realize the subtleties of "full recovery". No doubt Marilyn will get back to work and be fully active again. But I know that I (and to a degree she) had the idea in the back of our heads that recovery meant it would be like this all never happened. Recovery means readjustment on all fronts - a new and very different life is unfolding before us. Marilyn has approached each day with an incredibly positive attitude and many smiles, rarely expressing frustration. She exists with calm and focus in the moment. Perhaps that is a blessed side effect of the injury. Regardless, it is what grounded me when I become flooded with too many 'what if's and how are 'we going to's. We press forward with happiness and determination. Each day is a better day.
Gareth

My Weekend

Hello again! Since I last wrote I got a good and long night's sleep (and some much deserved and needed rest) only to wake up and start Physical Therapy where I walked up and down a staircase with my therapist and Gareth helping in preparation for the holidays when I hope to be doing that with only Gareth helping. I hope you are all getting prepared for the upcoming holidays as well as we are!
We`had a great weekend going to the museum on Saturday with Eric, Alison, Eddie (a 1 year old baby who I am trying to beat in our walking contest), Chris and Alex, then stopping on Sunday morning for breakfast at the IHop with Bill Hatcher, Chris and Alex before Gareth and I went to his parent's home in Golden for the Broncos game and to see the doggies!
I hope you can tell I am silly but not stupid. My brain may have been traumatized but it came out unaffected in terms of its intelligence!

I hope to see everyone soon! Bye y'all!
Marilyn

One month at Craig

Wednesday night we went to an Italian restaurant near the hospital. It was really good and we went even though I'm still in a wheelchair. The night was cold. As it turned out it was kind of the night that started the weekend because on Thursday night, my friend from college Alison arrived with her husband Eric and their son Eddie who is only one year old. Eddie is one of the coolest babies we've hung out with. In a way he reminded me of myself because like Eddie, I am learning how to walk and use my left hand and left leg. In fact, I am relearning everything that I learned as a child. It was good to see Chuck and MB who visited on Friday. It was good hearing about Dolores happenings. Chuck and MB joked with us about how all their friends are younger. Chris and Alex were here today. We all went to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science because Eric wanted to see the exhibit on Colorado rocks and minerals. We learned that aquamarine is found on Mount Antero. Alison, Eric and Eddie had to leave and it was hard to say goodbye but we stayed with Chris and Alex and had dinner at a local Thai restaurant. They told us all about their vacation. Tomorrow we are going to Golden and see our dogs and Gareth's parents and Jay Cutler. Next weekend we might go to a Bronco game with the hospital bus. Don't get stuck in the snow Dolores folks. Think of me when you ski! Take care,
Marilyn