OUTPATIENT POSITIVITY

I am writing after my first week as an outpatient. I will start off saying that there are improvements but it will be a long tough battle for me: re-learning to hold a cup (with my left hand); not dribbling when I drink; brushing my teeth or hair (with my left hand because I am left handed). Imagine if you lost all muscle use of a leg and someone tells you to stand. That is when you realize how much muscle you do use when you stand and it is gone and has to be re-worked so you can stand correctly! So every day these little occupational therapies happen spontaneously now (with no occupational therapist) and I must count the little things I improved and learned as success. You all do these things hundreds of times and do not give them a second thought (don't start thinking your tiny activities are such big successes now unless you are me ok?) Anyway, I am not in the hospital and I am getting better slowly. (Positive thought as encouraged by my shrink and easy to do because it is true!)

Craig Hospital discharge

Hello everyone!

I am staying with Gareth's parents in Golden, Colo since being discharged which is really cool of them since he will be home in Dolores during the week. I guess the info I got from my attending this week regarding how discharge can make the patients very tired held true for me as I was exhausted and tired (They refer to this change as a "reintegration into society" -uh oh, you all have been warned of my "reintegration").

As for the discharge: my therapists are all as dedicated as I could want and my eyes are being treated for the double vision with rotation (pray for that) and my lack of ability to produce the neurochemical Serotonin is being treated with low dose antidepressant which has ceased my inappropriate laughing (emotional lability) but can not put a stop to the appropriate laughing.

My medical knowledge of Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) has taken a leap since I have been considered a "severe" TBI -patient and now I am hoping that this experience will influence my future in medicine somewhat - look out patients because I am being influenced by this experience. See you soon Doloreans but keep in mind how tired I may be!

Brain Therapy

Looks like I will be discharged from inpatient tomorrow but will stay here for rehab for the next 2 1/2 weeks for the quality of rehab here at Craig. I am so happy though not to have to spend my days as an inpatient but I still have a great deal of recovering to do on the outside. I am looking forward to getting back to Dolores and recovering at my own pace.
Melissa, a college friend, just visited during the exams my therapists administered to evaluate my progress and to make recommendations for my future therapists, and thank God she was here to verify the difficulty of the speech therapy I am taking to keep my brain sharp. I am thankful to have that quality of brain sharpening and hope it can keep the brain continuing to rehabilitate as the left side of my body is.
Looks like I will comtinue the neuro-psych counseling at home too as the psych stuff grabs me and the frustration is difficult for me to figure out but essential to my getting through this difficult situation and an important part of my recovery. Thank God Melissa and Gareth confirm that my personality is still fully present since I feel the smartass in me is still fully present and as charming as ever!!

Collar Free

Marilyn has finally got rid of her C-collar! Accordingly, she passed it on to her dog.

2008

It has to improve as a year - over any year or experience ever in my
life - this is the worst possible thing for anyone to go through and I do not wish it on anyone ever - so I hope everyone will appreciate their existence this year and if anything comes out of my experience, I want that to be it. Happy 2008 everyone!

Pieces of Memory

"I wish I could take the memory that I have in my brain and put it in your brain and compare it to yours so I could see if they match."

- Marilyn trying to piece together events days before her accident.
New Years Eve 2007

Vision

Hello. My vision has been off since the accident, I am seeing double and my left eye also rotates one of the images. Seeing the eye doc who is placing the blame on my 3rd and 4th cranial nerve - and he will make me a left eyeglass prism that may help my extraocular muscle retrain to not rotate. I have also been somewhat self critical and my shrink told me that is quite common for brain injured patients to get self-critical so he advised me to "TEFLON-IZE" MYSELF - to get tougher during the challenging recovery. Those reading who know me well know what a self critic I am so this is a challenging time for me and my therapists are finding out the hard way! Take care and happy 2008! Marilyn

Wisdom

Merry Xmas! Just watched Bob Marley documentary -(thanks Sarah!) it was very good and I am inspired to read his biography again. Dealing with the moods that go with brain injury : cranky, frustrated; also trying to come up with a good plan for when I am discharged which is in 2 weeks.
"You give your more
To receive your less." Bob Marley




Marilyn

Impatient Inpatient Twilight

We are nearing the end of Marilyn's inpatient stay at Craig. The latest date we have heard pushes her discharge back a bit and is now January 8. There are dozens of goals for the next 2 weeks, with the obvious and biggest goal being to leave the wheelchair behind. Today Marilyn spent most of the day doing just that - walking to all her classes and therapy sessions. Our vision of her being back in Dolores soon is fading as we are beginning to realize that her outpatient therapy needs (at least in the short term) would be best served by doing them right here at Craig. So - we have much to figure out in the days and weeks to come. As always the doctors, therapists and staff here are extremely helpful and we feel whatever the decision reached, it will be a sound one.

Recommended Reading and Folding Clothes

I just finished 'Over My Head' by Dr. Claudia L. Osborn, recommended to me by Marilyn's friend, Melissa. (Easy to find on Amazon.com) It tells the story of a Physicians struggles following a traumatic brain injury resulting from a bike accident. While her recovery journey was much different than Marilyn's appears to be, this book does an extraordinary job of describing what is going on from the point of view of the brain injured person. The perspective on being a medical professional with TBI is especially poignant. Reading it was often excruciating for me in the midst of Marilyn's early recovery and because it describes so many challenges on the cognitive front - many of which Marilyn thankfully seems to be bypassing and many of which she has yet to confront. This book has helped me come to terms with the fact that this accident will net a changed, but not lesser Marilyn. (No more waiting for the "old" Marilyn to come back.) That change may be less evident externally as time goes by but that change will be very evident for her. To be clear - when I say change, I mean change as in all we experience in life produces change. Profound experiences or events produce profound change. So, I urge you to read this book (or about TBI in general), particularly those of you who will be around her when she returns to Dolores.

On another note - Marilyn insisted on and successfully folded her clothes Sunday night before I left for the week.

“The determination to win is the better part of winning.”~Daisaku Ikeda